After the breakdown of my 23-year marriage, I spent my last day before leaving the marital home cooking and cleaning. I felt so guilty about leaving that the least I could do, I thought, was "leave it nice," knowing my STBX had no clue how to cook a decent meal or do even the most basic housework.
As I was mopping the kitchen floor (classic!) I wondered: "Who's going to do this when I'm gone? He'll have to hire someone. Hmm, that'll cost him about $20/hour." And then my math brain kicked in: I added up all the hours I had spent shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving kids around, fixing stuff, taking the cat to the vet, taking kids to the doctor, entertaining them during school vacations (18 weeks a year!!!), and it came to $104,000! After 23 years as a servant-wife, it was only then I realized JUST how badly I had gotten screwed!
Not only do servant-wives not get paid; they also miss out on professional development (I took nearly 15 years out of the workforce to stay home with our kids because my husband traveled every week). Once we got divorced, I had no job to "go back to" as we had moved to the US from Europe 5 years earlier and my European credentials weren't valid in the US, and I was too poor, and working overtime in low-paid jobs, to find a way to improve my qualifications.
Oh -- servant-wives also don't pay into Social Security and don't get credit for the years they spent out of the workforce, raising children; only years of paid work are credited. Sure, I may be able to draw benefits from my ex's Social Security account; long may he live (if he doesn't, that's that).
I'm 59 now and despite a top-notch college degree (that I earned 37 years ago - ha!), several additional qualifications, and having worked hard all my life -- first as a mother & homemaker and then as a self-employed healthcare worker -- I am scraping a living and am not sure I'll ever be able to retire.
Women: think twice about (a) getting married, and (b) staying home to raise your kids in this patriarchal society. Writing this breaks my heart; I adore my children and loved being a mother, but it killed me professionally and financially.
PS: Can you please share a link to the 97-hour study you cite? Thank you.
I have mixed feelings about wages for housework but I’ve come to believe that under capitalism this movement is important in order to make housework visible and to allow those women who want to stay home to have a degree of financial freedom, not to mention compensation for their work! The parallel with tradwives is interesting bc in some ways the impetus for both Wages for housework and tradwifedom comes from the same yearning that you identified. They interviewed Silvia Federici about this on Throughline recently, you might like the episode!
After the breakdown of my 23-year marriage, I spent my last day before leaving the marital home cooking and cleaning. I felt so guilty about leaving that the least I could do, I thought, was "leave it nice," knowing my STBX had no clue how to cook a decent meal or do even the most basic housework.
As I was mopping the kitchen floor (classic!) I wondered: "Who's going to do this when I'm gone? He'll have to hire someone. Hmm, that'll cost him about $20/hour." And then my math brain kicked in: I added up all the hours I had spent shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving kids around, fixing stuff, taking the cat to the vet, taking kids to the doctor, entertaining them during school vacations (18 weeks a year!!!), and it came to $104,000! After 23 years as a servant-wife, it was only then I realized JUST how badly I had gotten screwed!
Not only do servant-wives not get paid; they also miss out on professional development (I took nearly 15 years out of the workforce to stay home with our kids because my husband traveled every week). Once we got divorced, I had no job to "go back to" as we had moved to the US from Europe 5 years earlier and my European credentials weren't valid in the US, and I was too poor, and working overtime in low-paid jobs, to find a way to improve my qualifications.
Oh -- servant-wives also don't pay into Social Security and don't get credit for the years they spent out of the workforce, raising children; only years of paid work are credited. Sure, I may be able to draw benefits from my ex's Social Security account; long may he live (if he doesn't, that's that).
I'm 59 now and despite a top-notch college degree (that I earned 37 years ago - ha!), several additional qualifications, and having worked hard all my life -- first as a mother & homemaker and then as a self-employed healthcare worker -- I am scraping a living and am not sure I'll ever be able to retire.
Women: think twice about (a) getting married, and (b) staying home to raise your kids in this patriarchal society. Writing this breaks my heart; I adore my children and loved being a mother, but it killed me professionally and financially.
PS: Can you please share a link to the 97-hour study you cite? Thank you.
Hi there, and thank you for reading and for your thoughtful response. The survey I'm referring to is referenced in my book, Formerly Known As Food, and is also written about briefly here in this Forbes article: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2011/05/02/why-stay-at-home-moms-should-earn-a-115000-salary/
I have mixed feelings about wages for housework but I’ve come to believe that under capitalism this movement is important in order to make housework visible and to allow those women who want to stay home to have a degree of financial freedom, not to mention compensation for their work! The parallel with tradwives is interesting bc in some ways the impetus for both Wages for housework and tradwifedom comes from the same yearning that you identified. They interviewed Silvia Federici about this on Throughline recently, you might like the episode!
Exactly! Thank you for reading and responding.